well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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