I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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