the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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