Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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