Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.