GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
