I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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