He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November