I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.