He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
