If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
