When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
