At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
