both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
