My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
