If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize