it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
