3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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