so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
