she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
