Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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