phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
