I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
