how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
