We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
