he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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