worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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