Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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