Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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