you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
