I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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