FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
