just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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