I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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