Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
