Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
