I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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