my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.