You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom