lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.