yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
this is an emotional support booty call
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.