I think I died a long time ago.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.