Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
