Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As shirtless as possible
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
