Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
