is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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