how can u be prego again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
