how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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