3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
