I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
