And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
