Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
