I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
