I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
