how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
