Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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