Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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