On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
