the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
