Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
