im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
