Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
