I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
