I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
