My sheets look like a crime scene.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
