Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
