Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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