Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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