very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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