I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
