I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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