i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
