i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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