Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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