He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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