You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
