I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Shame - the story of my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
