i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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