I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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