A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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