problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
