His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He better not be in your backpack
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
