I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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