i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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