Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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