The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
