I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
