If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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