Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
