i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
