he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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